I don’t know where I came from or how I arrived, but I don’t think it matters

Part 2 of my visit with Gary

Gary: Instead of doing that or not doing that, I kind of energetically go: what do I want to learn or experience instead of, what do I want to say. Or is it true or not true.

David: Good for you.

Gary: or this or that.

David: yes.

Gary: because I can find out so much myself, instead of comparing two or three or five different things. In a way its kind of a thankless task, but when I do it, it’s not thankless, but I can’t imagine how I would win, but the game is different than I thought, because I am actually confronting it in a way, confronting myself: letting myself be confronted, letting myself have an experience rather than saying what the experience is. All I know is my experience or what I call my experience. How would I know it is my experience? Who else’s experience is there? It’s entirely possible that thats all thats happening, if there’s other experiences, I wouldn’t know. How would I know, I only have mine? 

David: there’s nothing wrong with saying that your experience is your experience. There’s nothing wrong with saying your consciousness is your consciousness, your awareness is your awareness and reality is what your experience is, not what someone else says it is.

Gary: as soon as I say something, the quicker it is not true for me, because there is so much more, it keeps changing and you can’t frame it.

David: I got ya: you cant describe something without sitting still and your never going to do that.

Gary: you can’t stop it. This is like a reality of being physically awake that is the same thing as dreaming to me because, I don’t know where I ever began. In a dream you don’t know when it starts, you can’t find the beginning of it. You’re always in the middle of it and here I am always in the middle of “this.” There’s no end, there’s no beginning , there’s no edges. It has its own intelligence, because it’s happening, but I am somehow totally a part of it, I am it, its my experience.

David: It doesn’t have to be determined as true or false because I am it.

Gary: its “happening,” yes.

David: you know what? I take back every limiting thought that I have had about your path and your expression here and I acknowledge that your accessing a reality that is limitless and cannot be condemned in any way.

Gary: anytime I frame something or know something, its just not, you know? I think Just because things seem confusing or like its just a free fall, thats just because its compared to this. But this is a free fall and its not also, it just depends on what its compared to. I think that everyones offering the semantics or the reference points, but reality doesn’t necessarily have reference points. Maybe it does, but it is so much more.

David: so what is it that you think people want? What is it that people would agree to as a preferred reality compared to the one that they are in, so that they would allow themselves to shift and move and expand and express themselves in a more harmless way, in a more harmonious way? In a greater celebration of everything and everyone? 

Gary: I think they want me dead, I think they want me to think what they are thinking. I think that they are not willing to have much experience. But I think that there is probably a lot of that out there, their just not aware and actually I feel like whatever is given me or whatever I have so far is simultaneously what I have already accomplished by inserting myself into a dream here. “this is how I woke up or this is how I was already awake” and I’m “visiting dreaming” but that is too simplistic.

David: no its not. 

Gary: it doesn’t have to be, I didn’t know if you would like it or not.

David: I do like it.

Gary: OK, I just think that whatever is inspirational, is already moving us. “its already happening to me” and if I don’t like it, then that must not be the point. So I don’t like this, whatever, its like: so, there is so much more that that, my liking it is such a small reference.

David: In your higher consciousness choice, the choice you made did not put a relevance factor on what your preference was to experience. Ahh, you didn’t grant yourself the freedom… You didn’t grant yourself the self determinism after your past, sent you on your way to here.

Gary: I get that, I get that. 

David: so your path has sent you to “this” and your path approves of this experience in this moment or you wouldn’t be having it. All of your past led you to this moment right now.

Gary: How do I know it was the past? But I hear what you are saying. 

David: tell me then.

Gary: I don’t know where I came from or how I arrived, but I don’t think it matters.

David: I think that it matters what your experiencing in this moment and from what point of view are you experiencing it.

Gary: OK I see.

David: are you experiencing reality from a point of view as something being tossed around by reality, or are you experiencing it as something that inspired reality to be exactly what it is?

Gary: I don’t know how… Its kind of like: be present and be here now. Like thats just an old concept now.

David: but what happens if you actually are? 

Gary: I’m not.

David: I know how you can not be, because thats what I have been doing for so long.

Gary:  but then you are doing it to yourself and there is not something else.

David: Its not someone else doing it to you its you doing it to yourself and so the point is that you are doing it to yourself and when you are tired of being a negative to yourself… When you are tired of that, how do you change your experience of reality here?

Gary: for me I don’t know if I am really tired of it, I don’t know if I know what being tired of it is. Maybe being tired of it is my savior. 

David: you know what? Very well spoken. Tired of it, is your savior. Because when you are tired of it, you are signaling all levels of your consciousness that this is not longer your choice, no longer has your support as a continuation of reality for you.

Gary: what are you doing tomorrow?

David: I am going to Sacramento in the morning and the bay area in the afternoon, unfortunately. 

Gary: I should probably go with you. I ‘m good, I’m good to go, I’m game to play, just let me know the next time you want to, if you can, as long as it isn’t Mexico.

David: It’s pretty extraordinary the way that you are able to express yourself: as soon as I grant you freedom to speak freely with myself, you do. But ,you always monitor and respect the level of what I am able to receive easily.

Gary: I hear that.

David: so you only speak when I allow you to speak freely and as soon as I have a resistance to your speaking freely: you are quiet and you wait for me to work through what ever it is that I am working through that has me in that state of consciousness and then when I wonder how I can be fully here in the moment, I connect with you on that level and then we communicate again.

Gary: Well, this is the first time that i… Whatever has happened since in my world, wether it is true or not, I will create a story here. I feel like there is not such a pull or push as to wether something is a certain way or not. For me, its like, I think anyone, especially you could have anything to offer and at the same time it does’t take away, because you always ask me to tell you what I'm asking or what my response is and that is in step with who I am. I don’t think that I do anything any more that  don’t want to do, I just don’t and I just say what I want.

David: why would you do anything that you don’t want to?

Gary: maybe it’s a childhood thing, where I just go, what do I think that they want? What is their agenda? Or what if I oppose them? There’s something happening here, wherever here is, there is something happening here that I am finding all of the time and it’s not me saying just saying what it is and that’s how I want it to be. Like what I am saying is not even true, its just what is happening here that is true, not the way I am saying it.. But it still is something that’s bright and happening.

David: yes, despite it being what it is, there’s always a way to enjoy it.

Gary: yes, because what are you going to do?

David: lets look for a way for enjoyment in the moment then, in such a way that we react in each new moment with: oh boy, I like this even better. So that you go from increase to increase in your awareness and your consciousness and your ability to interact successfully with reality here.