The only thing to fear is fear itself

Tessie part 3

Its a lot to ask I know, but I have to ask for it all or I can’t be true to myself and I can’t be true to anyone else unless the truth of all is found within me.  Yes, there, right there, nice. 

Tessie: this is the seat of the divine, where your will sometimes is at odds with the will of the divine. What we are doing here is releasing your resistance to allowing the divine.

Ok, how do I do it? Tell me and I will do it.

Tessie: just let it be.

Support me in that.

Tessie: breathe into this. 

Its so nice to be with someone who is willing to not shut themselves down, thank you. 

The hand of truth is upon me, the truth of eternity is prodding me to awaken.

Tessie: so what is the fear? What is the fear here? 

What is the fear here? Lets see if it can answer. What is the fear that lives here? The fear that I might not be me? That the truth of me might not be me? The truth of me is me, it can’t be any other way. The ego is saved as it is and then knows itself more and more as it opens to truth being realized through it. Your identity should be comfortable with truth being realized through it, as it, for self and others equally. 

Tessie: there is a fear that under the facade is no worth. 

Yes, no worth at all.

Tessie: but the truth is that it is a facade.

How do I realize my truth within that lie? Show me yours there. Show me the eternal truth of you within the lie that I know myself as, the lie of my fear.

Tessie: there is nothing else but love. 

No, this fear is real and it is debilitating.

Tessie: of course it is. The truth underneath the fear is that there is only love.

I don’t know, I don’t know. The truth beyond the manifest maybe, but the truth in the manifest is not known here.

Tessie: do you know that you don’t have to be perfect to love? 

To love perfectly one must.

Tessie: to love, you don’t have to be perfect. To channel the divine you only need to reside in your love. That is channeling the divine. 

Lets teach me how to do it as you know it, show me your freedom in that, that I might know it in myself easily.

Tessie: the only thing to fear is fear itself is apropos here. Ok? When you see the truth of what you are, there is nothing other, there is no facade, there just is as is all of our imperfections, all of our foibles, all of our ideas, opinions, all of our misjudgings and desires.

Help me find a way to be free in that.

Tessie: the way to be free in it is to be free in it, to allow it, to not fight it. Allow it to be and know that its not the truth of who you are. 

But, I believe that I am allowing it as much as it is possible for any to and yet, still I find myself unfree.

Tessie: really?

Yes.

Tessie: How are you unfree? 

I am in a constant state of painful fear.

Tessie: exactly.

That has my whole body in seizure.

Tessie: are you willing to do a process with me?  

I would love to do anything that will ease this burden.

Tessie: so what are your thoughts about the fear?

I would like to know what to do with it.

Tessie:what is the fear?

I don’t know. 

Tessie: what does it feel like?

It feels like pain. 

Tessie: Where is the pain?

Right where you are touching.

Tessie: what are you afraid that this is going to do? 

I am afraid that this is going to stay forever. 

Tessie: “I am afraid that”

My pain is endless and eternal. 

Tessie: say it again.

I am afraid that my pain is endless and eternal. 

Tessie: “I am afraid that my pain is endless and eternal” say it again. 

I am afraid that my pain is endless and eternal.

Tessie: can you allow yourself to not just say it but to actually feel the fear? 

OK, I am afraid that my pain is endless and eternal. 

Tessie: and what about that fear scares you? 

That it might be true.

Tessie: what about that scares you?

I am afraid that my pain is endless and eternal and that that might be the truth. 

Tessie: say: I am afraid that it might be the truth and allow yourself to feel that fear. 

I’m afraid that it might be the truth.

Tessie: again.

I’m afraid that it might be the truth. 

 Tessie: and what about it might be the truth frightens you?

That its not worth living.

Tessie: “I’m afraid that…”

I’m afraid that its not worth living if this pain is my truth. 

Tessie: again

I’m afraid that its not worth living if this pain is my truth.

Tessie: allow yourself to feel that and say it again.

I’m afraid that its not worth living if this pain is my truth.

Tessie: are you feeling it? Do you feel the fear? 

Yes, 

Tessie: what about it not being worth living scares you? 

If it is not worth living and if you persist in painful struggle for life and failing at what you wish for and what others wish and hope for from you, it is a pathetic existence.

Tessie: what are you afraid of?

I’m afraid of being a failure. 

Tessie: you’re afraid of being a failure, thank you. This is cool for you, say it again.

I’m afraid of being a failure. 

Tessie: allow yourself to feel this and say it again.

I’m afraid of being a failure

Tessie: what about being a failure scares you?

Disappointing those who depend on me. 

Tessie: I’m afraid that.

I’m afraid that I will disappoint everyone that depends on me. 

Tessie: say that again and allow yourself to feel the feeling.

I’m afraid that I will be a disappointment to everyone who has ever depended on me. 

Tessie: one more time.

I’m afraid that I will be a disappointment to everyone who has ever depended on me. 

Tessie: do you feel that right now? What about being a disappointment to everyone who depends on you scares you? 

I want to be a blessing to them and I am afraid that I am not.

Tessie: Your afraid that…

I’m afraid that I’m not good for others, that I’m not a benefit. 

Tessie: What are you afraid of?

That I’m no good for others. 

Tessie: again.

I’m afraid that I’m not good for others. 

Tessie: feel that feeling right now.

I’m afraid that I’m not good for others.

Tessie: allow yourself feel that fear.

I’m afraid that I’m not good for others. I’m not. I’m not, I’m not good for others.

Tessie: I’m afraid that I’m not good for others.

No, I know that I’m not good for others. 

Tessie: so you know that you’re not good for others?

I’m not. 

Tessie: whats your fear about that? If you know that your not good for others, what frightens you about that? Are you going to hurt them?

Being the cause of them not living and not knowing their own truth where they would have otherwise.

Tessie: thats very complicated, what are you afraid of? If your not good for people, what are you afraid you’re going to do to them or not give them?

Well, I’m afraid that for me to awaken, I have to accept myself as cause over this reality and it is a reality that I don’t see as…

Tessie: stop, you’re in your head, goback to the feeling. 

Tessie: your afraid of hurting people of being bad for people.

Yes, yes I feel it.

Tessie: go back to that feeling. “I’m afraid that I’m bad for people”

I’m afraid that I cause more harm than I do good. 

Tessie: Good, I’m afraid that

I’m afraid that I cause more harm than I do good. I’m afraid that I case more harm than I do good. I’m afraid that in my fear I cause harm to others.

Tessie: what about causing harm to others frightens you?

Its shifting right now because there is a realization that it is only my fear that causes me to harm others.

Tessie: exactly! Exactly. Umhmm. Thank you. 

Its only my fear that causes me to harm others. Its only my fear that causes me to harm others. Its only my fear that causes me to cause harm in myself. 

Tessie: do you know how to release fear?

No.

Tessie: you just did it. Yes you do. You simply ask the question what am I afraid of. Then you get the answer and ask what about that frightens me. Thats all you do is simply shed light on the fear. Invite it in. There is nothing to fear except fear itself. 

Lets ask it again ad see if we can get a greater ease out of this.

Tessie: the physical body is the densest of all of the bodies. The shift has already occurred and you will feel that in your body. What happens when fear is gone?

I don’t know, but I am looking forward to finding out.

Tessie: its just love. : ) and acceptance. There is no separation between you and me, between you and your family. Where there is love there is no separation. When fear is gone there is no separation. Your pain is my pain.

Help me realize that my pain is gone. 

Tessie: what are you afraid of right now?

That it is not gone. 

Tessie: right. What about it not being gone frightens you? 

That it is and always will be here.

Tessie: we are back to the begining. What about that are you afraid of?

I am afraid that my fear is eternal. 

Tessie: what are you afraid of?

I am afraid that fear is the nature of my being. 

Tessie: I’m afraid that…

Fear is all I know.

Tessie: I’m afraid that.

I’m  afraid that I will wake up in the morning and that I will still be the same. 

Tessie: say that again.

I’m afraid that when I wake up in the morning that I will still be the same. That I will still be me as I have been.

Tessie: say it.

I’m afraid that that I will wake up tomorrow morning with no significant shift in my awareness, my sence of self and my experience of this reality.

Tessie: got it. Do you see how attached you are to your fear, do you see this?

Apparently with something strong.

Tessie: What about waking up tomorrow morning and having this fear and having seen no significant changes. What about that frightens you? 

It frightens me that the universe wants that to be my truth. 

Tessie: I’m afraid that.

The Universe wants me to be  as I am. 

Tessie: which is?

An experience of consciousness knowing itself as unworthiness trying to be free.

What are you afraid of?

I am afraid that I am unworthy. 

Tessie: I am afraid that…

I am unworthy.

Tessie: are you really afraid that you are unworthy?

No, I know that I am unworthy. 

Tessie: How do you live with yourself if you are unworthy?

By avoiding life and love and truth

Tessie: yes, so what are you afraid of right now? 

I’m afraid that I will never know the truth.

Tessie: I’m afraid that…

I’m afraid that I will never know the truth.

Tessie: You’re heart is breaking you know that? Now, your heart is breaking with this Idea that you will never know the truth. I’m afraid that…

I’ll never know the truth

Tessie: which is?

I don’t know.

Tessie: what about never knowing the truth scares you?

That I will never be free.

Tessie: I’m afraid that…

I will never be free. 

Tessie: I’m afraid that…

I will never be free.

Tessie: Say the whole thing.

I’m afraid that I will never be free. 

Tessie: Yes, that is the human condition. What about never being free scares you? Allow yourself to feel it.

That consciousness is a curse.

Tessie: what about never being free scares you? Step out of your head. Your head is your protection right now. It’s protecting you from feeling all this. What about the fear of never being free scares you?

That consciousness isn’t worth it.

Tessie: I am afraid that.

Being conscious, being awakened is not worth it, that it doesn’t create freedom.

Tessis: what are you awakened to? What are you consciousness of that is not worth it? 

I’m conscious of agns’t, worry, desperation. 

Tessie: is that being awakened?

No, it is being aware of the feeling of that and the question is: is there a way to awaken within that? 

Tessie: in it, out of it and beyond it, yes. I am afraid that…

I’m afraid that my knowingness isn’t going to help.

Tessie: exactly. Allow yourself to feel that now and get that. I’m afraid that.

I’m afraid that my knowingness is not going to help even though I know more than anyone I know. I’m afraid that thats not enough.

Tessie: what about that scares you? 

I am afraid that is the divine doesn’t happen in me, it doesn’t happen in anyone. I know that sounds weird but…

Tessie: we’ll if you are a microcosm of the macrocosm…

Yesn something like that, but the opposite at the same time: that the divine is everyone else but me.

Tessie: so whats your fear? 

I’m afraid that all are divinely conscious, I’m afraid that all consciousness is divinely aware except me.

Tessie: so what about you specifically?

I am afraid that I am unique in my absolute failure to know the divine as myself.

Tessie: thank you. How does that feel?

Hard.

Tessie: say it again.

I am afraid that I am unique in my absolute failure to know the divine as myself.

Tessie: and what about you being unique as an absolute failure scares you?

That this reality exists only to support that fear.

Tessie: say it again.

I am afraid that this reality exists to support my fear that the divine is only unknown by myself. 

Tessie: do you see the web that you have  created for yourself? What about this scares you.

It might be true.

Tessie: what about the fact that it might be true scares you? 

That that means that I am God and that I can damn myself and I’ll be damned if I can figure out a way out from it.

Tessie: I am afraid that I can’t find my way out of it?

I’m afraid that I’m God, that I have damned myself and that I can’t find my way out.

Tessie: umhmm.

And so there is no help. 

Tessie: do you know that all of this in your solar plexus is about that? This is all about protection. Not a jusgement, it just is.

I understand. 

Tessie: I’m afraid that I can’t find my way out of it.

I am afraid that I can’t find my way out of it.

Tessie: how does it feel right now to feel that?  Do you feel like you are stuck?

I feel like I just wan’t to run away and know nobody that I know. I wan’t to not be present with anyone. 

Tessie: because you don’t want anyone else to see this or know this? 

I don’t want anyone else to be affected by it.

Tessie: yes and?

If this reality exists to support a delusion of God and if I am God, then all other consciousness that exists in this shared reality at this level…

Tessie: are you at God consciousness right now?

I can be, but I am dealing with what is “in here” right now.

Tessie: exactly, so what are you afraid of right now that is keeping you from your full God consciousness? What are you afraid of right now? 

I’m afraid that I might change my mind about being here as God consciousness. Thats what stopped it last time. 

Tessie: I’m afraid that.

I’m afraid that when I own the truth of myself here, that the transition will be so severe in my life that I won’t go through with it.

Tessie: I’m afraid that.

I’m afraid to live my truth. I’m afraid to be eternally free as me here.

Tessie: umhmm.

I’m afraid to be eternally free as me here. I’m afraid to be eternally free as me. 

Tessie: I’m afraid that.

I’m afraid to be eternally free as me. I’m afraid to be free as me.

Tessie: what about that frightens you? 

I don’t know how to change it. I’m afraid of not knowing how to change a bad decision. 

Tessie: a bad decision? Which decision.

All of themthat limit me from being my truth right now.

Tessie: be specific. I’m afraid that… I’m stronger than you, I can deal with your fear.

You’re stronger than me? 

Tessie: I am and I am not afraid of your fear. I will stand toe to toe with your fear and show you your truth. 

Really?

Tessie: yes, so tell me what your fear is right now.

I’m beginning to fear that I might actually have to allow the shift to occur.

Tessie: what are you afraid of right now?

I’m afraid of what’s going to happen right now.

Tessie: I’m afraid that.

I’m afraid of what’s going to happen right now. 

Tessie: exactly. I’m afraid that.

I am afraid to move into the light of truth.

Tessie: What are you afraid of?

I’m afraid to be true. I’m afraid to be true. 

Tessie: what do you have to do if you are true?

I have to be fearless.

Tessie: I’m afraid of being fearless?

Yes, I am afraid of being fearless, it’s weird.

Tessie: isn’t it?

I am afraid of being fearless.

Tessie: what about being fearless scares you?

I don’t want to be hurt. 

Tessie: Exactly. This is it: I don’t want to be hurt. 

I don’t want to be hurt. 

Tessie: I’m afraid that.

I am afraid that if I am fearless that I am going to be hurt. 

Tessie: isn’t that a catch 22. Did you hear what you just said? I’m afraid if I am fearless that I am going to be hurt. Do you see the cosmic joke in that? Hahahaha. 

Of course. 

Tessie: I am afraid of being hurt.

I am afraid of being hurt.

Tessie: exactly. All of your defecnses.

Are against getting hurt.

Tessie: I’m afraid of getting hurt. What about getting hurt scares you?

That once hurt that it never passes.

Tessie: I am afraid that’

Whenever I am hurt, the hurt never ends and never passes. It is always in this present. 

Tessie: say it simply. I’m afraid that.

I am afraid that I’m hurt for ever with each hurt.

Tessie: what about being hurt scares you?

I’m afraid there is so much hurt within me that I would rather not be, that I would rather not exist.

Tessie: What about not being,scares you?

I don’t know.

Tessie: I am afraid that.

I can’t remember. 

Tessie: What about not being, scares you? We are bypassing your mind, that’s why you forgot. What about not being scares you? Are you scared? No you are not are you? Underneath all of your fears, the fear of not being, being and not being. Imaging yourself not being.

It’s nice actually.

Tessie: this is what you are afraid of and it really isn’t that bad. OK? So what are you afraid of?

I guess I am afraid of being different and the change that would..

Tessie: What are you afraid of right now?

I don’t know. 

Tessie: What are you afraid of right now?

I am afraid that you are going to take your hand off of my chest and that this beautiful release comming from your fingers will stop.

Tessie: do you realize that you are a fear making machine? What are you afraid of right not?

That this wont work.

Tessie: is it working?

Yes.

Tessie: then what the fuck are you afraid of? Haha.

That it is not working enough. 

Tessie: what are you afraid of right now? Do you see the joke in this? What are you afraid of right now?

I don’t know.

Tessie: right, do you know why you don’t know? Because you’re not afraid right now. 

Hmm. Hmm. The only thing to fear is fear itself.

Tessie: exactly honey. What happens when we are used to creating fear and covering it up and it stops, is that we don’t know what to do and your grabbing right not to try to find things to be afraid of. What does it feel like just to be me?   To be me? Feel me and the truth of you. It’s easier now.

Tessie: whats not to love.

Everything.

Tessie: really.

I’m not lovable?

Tessie: who told you that? 

I don’t know for sure.

Tessie: is it true that you are unloveable?

Yes. 

Tessie: really? Says who? You? You keep creating fear to make a self fulfilling prophecy that you’re not lovable. Do you want me to say it again? 

Yes.

Tessie: You keep creating fear. Remember I told you that you are a fear making machine? To create a self fulfilling prophecy that your not lovable.

Why would I do that?

Tessie: because you think that you are not lovable and so you have to keep proving yourself right. So here’s the thing, all of that stuff we were doing? You got to the truth. Your fear is no different that anybody else’s. Your fear is not separate from anybody else’ s when you can see behind the fear is when you can transform those around you. Thank you for letting me do this.

Thank you for doing it. 

Tessie: this process that we have been doing, this is called living. Most people when they want to start bringing in the divine, they are doing it to leave.

Not me, I’m doing it to live as the divine. 

Tessie: and to anchor it.

Yes, and to be here as that.

Tessie: your job is to master what you are asking others to master, which is to bring the divine, have it heal your fear and live life from moment to moment to moment. This is the process that we have to do from moment to moment to moment. This is it. I think your thinking that if you’re not 100% clear in this very moment in your true divinity and devoid of fear that somehow your not living the divine and I think thats a crock of shit.

I feel like I can though.

Tessie: yes, when you do and in the meantime: this is what you do.

Deal with what is.

Tessie: exactly and thats it and thats the beauty of it. You go to the store and your teller is having a pill; you just love them, they’ve got some fear going on. Someone hurts you intentionally you know its about them and you sink into your love. Someone cuts you off or tries to take your money: you sink in, you handle your fear. You find the love. Right now I have no income, I sink in, find the love and know that somehow my income will come in. This is the work of someone who’s on the divine path. Its not about being devoid of fear. Its about learning how to bring the divine and love into it. 

Yes, I know that.

Tessie: and we may just need a few more sessions to anchor that in. 

To share the truth and know that somebody else is experiencing that with us. 

Tessie: Exactly, got it? You had a big shift tonight. 

We chose to take a look at me as I am.

Tessie: and you as you are afraid that you are. 

Me living in the delusion of a lie.

Tessie: yes.

In closing, I would like to step out of that insanity and allow for the greatest degree of divine realization shared between us that we are willing to experience and express.

Tessie: Andrea Bochelli said something really wonderful once: I have a big voice and with that comes big problems. Do you see what I am saying?

I do. Thank you.

Tessie: Your welcome.