Inhuman

I find my freedom,
not in the resolution of my problems,
but in the dissolution of myself.

Rising from the ashes of me,
I find myself revealed,
in the light of my truth.

The truth that saves me,
is the one that destroys,
the one that I had been.

Being human,
is somehow inhuman,
without the light of truth,
that burns off our lies of self.

Selfless,
we find the unconditional love,
that formed us,
and informs us of our truth.

In a remembrance of,
the whole, holy, wholesome,
knowing of self.

That fills the hole in our heart,
with an everlasting love of all,
which restores our eternal nature,
to our individual self.

How does the divine move as me in everything I see and do?

It does it by moving into where I am holding onto dense hurts, disappointments, attitudes and judgements and bringing the energy of these binding energies and my holding on to them into my awareness and realization so that I can surrender all that is less than unconditional love to the infinite loving wisdom of creation and there to let God sort it out (as I no longer have an opinion about it.) Certainly I am not going to keep opinions that disable me, debilitate or limits me in this present moment. No, I have to choose to let go of the past so that I am not trapped there, so mind is free to observe, experience and enjoy the world I live in.

If you didn’t enjoy your past when you were in it: your certainly not going to enjoy it now, so feel all those "horrible feelings" about how wrong the past was and those whom you dealt with in it and then turn it over to God so that your mind can be free here in realizing the perfection of yourself.

How does the divine move as me in everything I see and do?

The divine is able to begin moving as me, by releasing me from my chains that make my life a living pain. It does this only as I choose to notice, welcome and embrace the divine that is always open to me in return and to release all that I am into the divine flow. In that release is my own truth revealed and my own divine nature realized, 
by self, 
as me. 

The forgiveness of self is the key ingredient of a divine life.

"Its because we cant forgive ourselves for our lives being the way they are and for us being who we are."

Jim: I’ve heard that before but I forgive myself.

The process is not to intellectualize about it but to fell yourself exactly as you are and then forgive yourself for it. Feel how that frees yourself up and then forgive yourself more.

With every breath that I take I forgive myself for me being the way that I am and in my receiving the forgiveness of myself I am now free to choose a new destiny for myself. Thats what your looking for is a new destiny for yourself.

Forgiving yourself creates a new destiny for yourself because you no-longer condemn yourself to continuing on in circumstances that you don’t fee are optimum, that you know are not optimum. Forgive yourself for your non-optimum circumstances and then you will have the ability to change them, but as long as you continue to condemn yourself for any part of your experience here, then your experience here will continue to be one that you don’t enjoy.

Take ownership of your forgiveness: “I’m allowing it to heal all of my wounds” “I allow it to cross the chasms of doubt and unconsciousness and bring there a light of knowing, loving and being the truth. The living truth, the living light, the living knowing, where all that you know are healed.

Feel all that you are: the deepest darkest pains within yourself and remember there the purpose of what you came here to express. What did you come here tho express? To reveal to yourself and to others here? What is the ultimate truth of your desire for yourself? The wish that you wish could be true?

For that to be true, you have to forgive yourself for being who you are, what you are and how you are. Forgive everything within you, for the inward vessel has to be cleansed before the divine can be seen on the out side. Forgive yourself for all that is perceived inwardly. Feel it in your body and feel it dissolve and dissipate as you remember that the solution to all of your limitations is to forgive yourself for them. Take responsibility for your limitations being what they are and feel the disappointment that you are what you are and now, forgive yourself for having created yourself as you.

Forgive yourself for you, don’t condemn yourself, because if you give into condemnation for being what you are then you have stopped yourself from moving in freedom and have bound yourself up in conflict.

Stop judging yourself for being who you are and start forgiving yourself for it instead. Instead of judging yourself negatively for creating yourself as you have: forgive yourself for it, so that you can learn your lesson and move on. Forgive yourself for the you that you are so that you can move on from it: “yes, OK, you did  that” You did “these things” “you created yourself as “this.” OK, got it, I made a lot of bad moves, “I forgive myself for it.”

The first commandment of the divine or for those on the path of the realization of self as the divine itself: forgive yourself for what you are. If you experience any negative attitudes or thoughts or emotions regarding your life here: forgive yourself for that so that you won’t be trapped in it.

You’re trapped where you condemn yourself. Where ever you condemn yourself, that is where you will remain until you finally realize the truth of yourself enough to where you can forgive yourself for what you have been and done and not done here. Feel what it is to receive the forgiveness of self.

You have to forgive yourself for being the you that resulted in you condemning yourself for you being those things that you define yourself as being here, that you experience yourself as being here. Forgive yourself for experiencing yourself as you are and being disappointed in it and in you. Forgive yourself for the disappointment that you have in yourself.

For in my Forgiveness  of self I can experience myself as more than I have ever experienced before: I can experience the renewal of consciousness: aware of myself as a level of consciousness that is a master here, a master of reality. Forgive yourself and you will be a master and have a mastery of this reality.

As true and tragic as your experience of self has been, you need to experience yourself now and forgive yourself for creating this mess: I’m sorry, I love you, please forgive me, thank you.

The awakening of consciousness is the experience of the continual forgiveness of self. That allows you to experience this reality more and more consciously and to master it. When you forgive yourself for your limitations, you have mastered them.

I forgive myself for the experience of “this” and “this” and “this I forgive myself and “this” and “this” in all of “this” I forgive myself and thereby exist and manifest as truth, because you haven’t condemned yourself to being less than that and haven’t looked at less than that as being a virtue.

I forgive myself for all the horrors of my existence. I forgive myself for all of my pains and sorrows, my trials, my troubles, my pain that I feel from my chains. And I forgive myself for you too. My forgiveness of you is in the celebration of myself, they are one and the same: as I forgive you, I celebrate myself, the more I celebrate myself, the more I forgive myself and the more I allow myself to be free and I experience self forgiveness  in this moment.

The forgiveness of self is the key ingredient of a divine life. A continuing forgiveness of all that you perceive will result in the divine being known in all that you perceive and we welcome ourselves there, in the perception, experience and knowing of divine self as me. There is no reason to hold anyone back who is willing to know the divine.

What If God wakes up as me?

Would god then still be free? 

Can God be free in me? 

Apparently, it is for me to say how the divine day awakens within myself. 

Asleep, we choose to be

And dreaming of another reality,

A reality thats “so much better” than our own, buts thats because we so thoroughly “own” a reality that we resist and resent. 

What happens to a reality when God is:

 free to be there, 

to be present and 

to be known, 

to be celebrated within each one of us?

What if God wakes up as me?

Will we allow him and her to be free? Or, would we bundle them up inside, freeze ourselves into a solid expression of unconsciousness and thereby condemn ourselves to ignorance of the divine that infuses every aspect of ourselves? And yet wholly ignorant, unfeeling, unaware and unknown it is to us: the divine is damned in me. God Damned… interesting way to look at it: God is damed in me, stuck and stopped and stoned into solidity. A stone of unmoving barriers to sublime levels of consciousness: god damned in me and God damed will soon be free, because I choose freedom for God. Freedom for God, at least within me. 

I grant God freedom, within the “me” that I am: the selfish slave to my body and my life. I grant freedom to God there. Freedom to me: damned and down and out, and forsaken. I allow God to be free here in the desert of Heaven: 

where Heaven is no more real, 

no more free, 

no more felt, 

no more known as home. God is damned in me and God Dammit I wan’t to be free, free from me, free from the I am that I am here. Please God, find freedom in me. Please God, move the divine in me until it awakens and I awaken and I know the divine as myself, as my truth as my own way of being and moving and showing myself here that a sublime way of living is easily available. God be free in me. God, be free in me and bless me that I may be one with that wish for freedom, divinely. That I might ease into and experience of exactly what that is. God, grant freedom to me and know that I welcome you as me. I allow myself to know that I am you and you are me. That we are one and the same: no more separated out into individuated, polarized consciousness, but joined together once more into the whole of holiness. God be free in me. 

It’s a continuous allowance that gives us our freedom here, of allowing God to be free within us as we continuously choose for that, within ourselves we begin to awaken and reclaim and restore ourselves to enjoying our infinite possibilities of expression here. God, be free in me. 

Just focus on your continued allowance of that in you. God, be free in me. 

As soon as you start looking to fix something yourself and to ascertain what it is and trying to figure it out and trying to do something about it: you’ve denied God the opportunity for you to know your truth there. So, give God the opportunity to share with you all that God knows and all that God is. Be open and receive that for yourself. Receive all that god is and all that God has within the heart of yourself, within the I of your identity, with your hear and soul: you surrender to the love of eternity. The God of eternity does not destroy those willing to know the hosts of heaven within themselves. There is a celebration of the life that allows that for the experience of themselves. 

To host the eternity of the divine way within the confines of ones self, both being true, real and manifest equally at the same time, the physical and the divine, married in union, sublimely. Don’t resist any of that within yourself. Surrender to that which is a blessing to you. 

Phone call

So, there is normal consciousness and here we are embracing that: A state of normalcy, at the same time we allow the divine to be free as me, free as that which is normal, free as that which is ordinary, free as that which is less than ideal. The divine grants freedom to all and all we have to do is agree: the divine is free in me. Then to fill ourselves in continuous pleasure with our moment by moment choosing to know the sublime breaths and depths of the divine. 

Those heavenly beings beyond the earthly realms, within all that is and without it as well and yet somehow completely different and separate from the reality here that we know so well. So how does this happen my friend? How does the divine awaken its knowing itself as this that we are?

It happens as we allow it to, because this is our reality you see. The consciousness that is here, that is being something: its our choice to make wether we know freedom   within ourselves. I choose Yes, I choose yes to freedom for me. 

There is so much within us that agrees to shut down when anything beyond the norm  comes up. How well we shut down completely... but there we are stuck in an idea that is not changing, when it changes as soon as we surrender to love within each and every one of us, knowing itself freely and joyfully there is exactly what you are. Allowing that to create our reality. We allow the divine to create this reality as Us, as We, as Your’s, as Mine, as Our united allowance of all that is worthy as being known as “divine”, to be free as the perfect expression of that within ourselves. God, be free in me. 

Make your life better now, do those things that you ought to do that you are reluctant to do to the point of stopping yourself. So, stop stopping yourself, open and stand in the free flow of the divine way moving you, moving through you and moving as you in this reality: God, no longer damned in me and free to restore the hopes for the hopeless by showing them all a way to know freedom as themselves. 

Its been a big mistake to not know freedom as myself. How could I ever believe that that was doing the right thing for the rest of humanity? To restrict my own freedom, my own knowing of eternity, what exactly is of anything that I am interested in here. I allow God to be free as me. Yes, God be free, free for me. God be free for me, for my benefit. We allow God to be free to be better here, to change me for the better here, to improve my circumstances. We allow God that freedom to be expressed here as something that is worthy and admirable. So allow yourself that same freedom, allow yourself to be expressed here as something worthy and admirable: worthy of emulation, worthy of being an example of a grace-filled life of joy and celebration. The presence of beauty and grace and wisdom moving freely through a person so beautifully that there is no part of it that hasn’t realized its divinity within itself.

We have to feel where we are damned and stuck and unmoving and then allow the divine to be free, there within yourself, as that. You have to feel yourself as you are and then allow the divine to merge with that, until a union of heaven and earth, that incredible state of “heaven on earth” that we have all wished for and yet not know as our own. Know it now as your own. There’s no reason to continue on living a life that doesn’t work for you. Know God in that which you dislike within yourself and allow God to be free within you as that which you are. It doesn’t matter what you are holding onto in each moment and how real and painful and solid that is. It doesn’t mean that you cannot let that go.

In the realization of divine freedom, the eternal truth of all is known.

A visit with Chuck part one.

I think I have told you before a little about what I do and how I do it, but I want to go through it again so that if you want to do the same for yourself you can do it, OK?

Chuck: OK.

The idea that you have of who you are, it is not possible for that to experience anything shockingly extraordinary beyond what you are aware of as yourself. So, if you want to take an extraordinary journey in knowing the depths and breaths and heights of consciousness that are possible throughout the universe, you have to temporally suspend your identity, because your identity can’t go there but your awareness can. Your awareness of the truth of who you are is that part of you that is free, the rest of you is free, but is seemingly stuck in a problem filled identity that is trying to figure out solutions to those issues. So, what do you do with that identity when you are ready to make an extraordinary step into the unknown possibilities that exist for you? Well, about the only part that you play in this process is your decision to play a part in the process and to take a ride on the infinite possibilities of experience being shown to you and then revealed as a possibility for you to experience yourself. First as an experience of “that is that” and secondarily the more intimate experience of “that is me.” 

This “me” that I am and this “you” that you are, we just have to say: God bless me, God bless me but, God’s in charge of this journey in this moment, not me and let God take you wherever a being of infinite consciousness and unconditional love would be willing to take you and to show you and to help you remember that which is infinitely true for you and everyone else too and that is that infinite consciousness is about the only thing that you could say is in fact true of you from aeon to aeon. Temporarily accepting identities that are defined within narrow parameters, but after experiencing self as that for a reasonably short period of time you “snap out of it” by saying: the me that I am is not in control. 

 (Change batteries in recorder.)

Chuck: You had just said, “that is that” went to “that is me.”

Thats the time you know your own unity with universal truth. Thats when you know universal truth is not foreign to you, is not separate from you, it is not unknown to you, it is in fact that which you know when the whole of you is consciousness in your body, where you know the whole of you even within the confines and limitations of your body. So whatever all that is… just allow it, because you don’t know what to do. There is only one thing that you know for sure that you do have to do and that is to let that which is infinite unconditional love for you act on you: you surrender your identity, your life, your mind, your body to that and as you do that, you transform. You transform through surrender of the gross and the polarized and unenlightened and un-harmonious aspects of yourself. All that know themselves as that have to turn over the control of their manifestation to that which is infinitely more true about themselves than the mask that they are wearing in the moment.

Let the mask that you are wearing in the moment find its freedom within your realization of divine consciousness as you, as self, as “I am me, being this,” having this frequency, having this awareness, having this knowledge, having this understanding, having this divine experience of life that is available for the divine to experience here. So, what ever you are that identifies itself as being less than that: surrender to “that which is that” surrender to the divine is the only way that you will know the freedom that is known therein. For if you give preference to that part which is polarized and separated and limited and unconscious and unaware of self as the divine, if you allow that to be the defining identity of your consciousness here: then that’s what you will be, until you re-awaken and realize your truth that lyes beyond that and the truth that lyes beyond that is awesome and extraordinary. Extraordinary because it is not known here, it is not understood here and it is not realized as the truth of self here. 

It’s not something that you “sell to others” its something that you “grant” to yourself. You’re aiming at your own self experience here. You’re not here to save others, before you have saved yourself, because you don’t know what to do to save anyone from what this is here, when what this is here is your “home reality” and your identity and your consciousness and your beingness here. As long as this reality is “home base” for you: its rules and laws and regulations being the defining factor of what it is that you can be here, then you will be what the consensus says you are and that is something not even worthy of the light of a distant star. But, you don’t have to be worthy, there is no such thing as worthiness for the divine for something that identifies itself as something less than that. There is no way to be worthy of it unless you are it. So unworthiness has nothing to do with it because there are plenty of beings that are “it”: individuated and divinely consciousness at the same time. 

So, how about you? How about you? It doesn’t matter that you are this that you are in this moment. It doesn’t, its not relevant to the realization of the divine in you. The only defining factor of limitation within yourself as yourself is your own choice that that in fact is the truth of you and its not. Its not the truth of you, its not the definition of you, its not the understanding of you. All that you are can never be identified, codified and defined by anything that is anything other than the infinite itself. Those that time and space lye within, that encompass all that anything is aware of, because that is what the truth of you is. The truth of you is infinite and eternal, divine and transcendent and the truth of you is here to say yes to, right now. Sat yes to the you that has divine possibilities, divine presence, divine manifestation. The awareness as eternal truth as an aspect of what you are, isn’t that the truth that you want to be here? What would “here” be with you as that? What would truth be with you as that? Truth would be you. Truth would be the experience of yourself and all other consciousness that doesn’t know itself as truth would realize the truth of itself within the truth of you. 

 So, surrender, give in, let go of yourself, find freedom in the willingness to know the infinite truth of all things, of all thought, of all ideas, of all consciousness, of all awareness, of all considerations. What is the extent of all possibilities and all realities? Allow the embrace of all that that is to be the experience that defines the you that is here. Sounds reasonable doesn’t it? Sounds reasonable for you to know yourself as that, if thats a possibility for you and if you open up just a little: you can see that it is, that it is right there ready to be realized by your willingness to own it and know yourself as that.

What would happen to the truth of you as it exists right now if it realized that its larger truth is that it is a divine being, a “star” being, a galactic being, a being of honor, truth, joy and love. A being that grants freedom to all other to be the best that they can be. Grant me the freedom to be that me and grant the same to yourself as I invite you to do. Know the eternal truth of self and know the truth of all things that may exist beyond that, until all that is known is you and yours and none of it is hidden and none of it is used against you.

In the realization of divine freedom, the eternal truth of all is known. 

So how does the you of you become a you able to know and realize divinity within your body as your experience of self? Where are you open to embracing that experience? 

Strange places that we find ourselves in. Strange places that don’t readily support us, don’t know us, doesn’t celebrate our presence as a joyful thing for itself. IS that what you really want to subject yourself to here, is surrounding yourself with consciousness that will violently reject seeing the eternal truth of another being pleasantly expressed and experienced here. Where is the eternal truth of you willing to be celebrated here within yourself, as yourself and as yourself with others? Where are the others which similarly surrender themselves to that which is divinely free, until they realize themselves as the truth of that also?

At that point there is no more worshiping somebody who is the same as you. You’ve got yourself realization of that yourself. So, as you come into a new and greater realization of your eternal truth here, your realization of an expanded eternal truth makes it a necessary thing that everything that brought you to that point is no longer relevant to you as a course of study. Where you are now is where your attention is directed until your circumstances can be realized as a divine experience for yourself. So to facilitate that for yourself: don’t put yourself in harms way, its not necessary. Find a way to be successfully comfortable  here. Have a place thats been crafted for your own enjoyment, your own needs, designed to fill and fulfill the needs that you have to have a secure place to live, with income to support you regardless of what ever now work you do. The point is your lifetime support should be something that is delivered to you, kind of right now and would you object to that is it were? Would you be willing to have that which would be and is a miraculous gift? Would you be willing to receive something completely  undeserved and yet is the transforming agent of your own awareness into realizing itself as an eternal truth? Your next step is to realize yourself as that. 

Do you have any questions?

Chuck: nope, truth is truth, I liked that.  There is no real synonym for truth.

Well, you could say: the actuality of that which is, known in every aspect, understood in every form and energy, you could say that which is capable of duplicating each and every creation, that would of necessity be a definition of truth and a different way to understand it.

Chuck: well, I think honesty would be a synonym of truth. 

Hmm, honesty. Its kind of a nice compatible thing, but its not the same thing. My son or daughter can tell something that is honest but it doesn’t necessarily have to contain much knowing in it, not much understanding and knowing and understanding are necessary components of truth. So, where can the truth be found within you that results in you being free? That truth that frees us all, where can that truth be found within you? Look, because you have nothing to fear from that and you have everything to gain, because the realization of the truth would regain for you your native ability to be a condiment to this world: something that gives it some excitement and flavor, an ability for that which is here to know itself as more. That is what you grant everybody: the infinite blessing to know themselves as more that what they consider them selves to be in the moment. You allow yourself to know the complete truth of all that is of them and hold that for them and make it availably for them to hold and know and experience easily again within themselves. 

Well, its only been 33 minutes and I am falling asleep so I guess we are getting to the end of this. That which is you that is willing to experience a miraculous freedom and realization: feel yourself as that which is willing to know freedom miraculously and give miraculous freedom the freedom to be whatever it may be within you. Don’t hold onto anything being more real than that or less than that in your experience of it. 

"clearing"

Disharmonies in life are caused when you stop the expression of something that wishes to communicate. You can feel these expressed in your body as pains, blockages and voices in your head.

Instead of acting to try to get rid of something that is impinging on you and making you uncomfortable, instead just allow yourself to be aware of it and then allow it to express itself as it wishes to: watch, listen, feel and allow, and then you will be free of it as it will leave you of its own accord. You will not have to "clear it" transform it" transmute it" " transcend it or fix, repair, heal, release or remove it. Just allow it to be as it chooses and it will soon be on its way to a greater realization of its own truth.

The only thing to fear is fear itself

Tessie part 3

Its a lot to ask I know, but I have to ask for it all or I can’t be true to myself and I can’t be true to anyone else unless the truth of all is found within me.  Yes, there, right there, nice. 

Tessie: this is the seat of the divine, where your will sometimes is at odds with the will of the divine. What we are doing here is releasing your resistance to allowing the divine.

Ok, how do I do it? Tell me and I will do it.

Tessie: just let it be.

Support me in that.

Tessie: breathe into this. 

Its so nice to be with someone who is willing to not shut themselves down, thank you. 

The hand of truth is upon me, the truth of eternity is prodding me to awaken.

Tessie: so what is the fear? What is the fear here? 

What is the fear here? Lets see if it can answer. What is the fear that lives here? The fear that I might not be me? That the truth of me might not be me? The truth of me is me, it can’t be any other way. The ego is saved as it is and then knows itself more and more as it opens to truth being realized through it. Your identity should be comfortable with truth being realized through it, as it, for self and others equally. 

Tessie: there is a fear that under the facade is no worth. 

Yes, no worth at all.

Tessie: but the truth is that it is a facade.

How do I realize my truth within that lie? Show me yours there. Show me the eternal truth of you within the lie that I know myself as, the lie of my fear.

Tessie: there is nothing else but love. 

No, this fear is real and it is debilitating.

Tessie: of course it is. The truth underneath the fear is that there is only love.

I don’t know, I don’t know. The truth beyond the manifest maybe, but the truth in the manifest is not known here.

Tessie: do you know that you don’t have to be perfect to love? 

To love perfectly one must.

Tessie: to love, you don’t have to be perfect. To channel the divine you only need to reside in your love. That is channeling the divine. 

Lets teach me how to do it as you know it, show me your freedom in that, that I might know it in myself easily.

Tessie: the only thing to fear is fear itself is apropos here. Ok? When you see the truth of what you are, there is nothing other, there is no facade, there just is as is all of our imperfections, all of our foibles, all of our ideas, opinions, all of our misjudgings and desires.

Help me find a way to be free in that.

Tessie: the way to be free in it is to be free in it, to allow it, to not fight it. Allow it to be and know that its not the truth of who you are. 

But, I believe that I am allowing it as much as it is possible for any to and yet, still I find myself unfree.

Tessie: really?

Yes.

Tessie: How are you unfree? 

I am in a constant state of painful fear.

Tessie: exactly.

That has my whole body in seizure.

Tessie: are you willing to do a process with me?  

I would love to do anything that will ease this burden.

Tessie: so what are your thoughts about the fear?

I would like to know what to do with it.

Tessie:what is the fear?

I don’t know. 

Tessie: what does it feel like?

It feels like pain. 

Tessie: Where is the pain?

Right where you are touching.

Tessie: what are you afraid that this is going to do? 

I am afraid that this is going to stay forever. 

Tessie: “I am afraid that”

My pain is endless and eternal. 

Tessie: say it again.

I am afraid that my pain is endless and eternal. 

Tessie: “I am afraid that my pain is endless and eternal” say it again. 

I am afraid that my pain is endless and eternal.

Tessie: can you allow yourself to not just say it but to actually feel the fear? 

OK, I am afraid that my pain is endless and eternal. 

Tessie: and what about that fear scares you? 

That it might be true.

Tessie: what about that scares you?

I am afraid that my pain is endless and eternal and that that might be the truth. 

Tessie: say: I am afraid that it might be the truth and allow yourself to feel that fear. 

I’m afraid that it might be the truth.

Tessie: again.

I’m afraid that it might be the truth. 

 Tessie: and what about it might be the truth frightens you?

That its not worth living.

Tessie: “I’m afraid that…”

I’m afraid that its not worth living if this pain is my truth. 

Tessie: again

I’m afraid that its not worth living if this pain is my truth.

Tessie: allow yourself to feel that and say it again.

I’m afraid that its not worth living if this pain is my truth.

Tessie: are you feeling it? Do you feel the fear? 

Yes, 

Tessie: what about it not being worth living scares you? 

If it is not worth living and if you persist in painful struggle for life and failing at what you wish for and what others wish and hope for from you, it is a pathetic existence.

Tessie: what are you afraid of?

I’m afraid of being a failure. 

Tessie: you’re afraid of being a failure, thank you. This is cool for you, say it again.

I’m afraid of being a failure. 

Tessie: allow yourself to feel this and say it again.

I’m afraid of being a failure

Tessie: what about being a failure scares you?

Disappointing those who depend on me. 

Tessie: I’m afraid that.

I’m afraid that I will disappoint everyone that depends on me. 

Tessie: say that again and allow yourself to feel the feeling.

I’m afraid that I will be a disappointment to everyone who has ever depended on me. 

Tessie: one more time.

I’m afraid that I will be a disappointment to everyone who has ever depended on me. 

Tessie: do you feel that right now? What about being a disappointment to everyone who depends on you scares you? 

I want to be a blessing to them and I am afraid that I am not.

Tessie: Your afraid that…

I’m afraid that I’m not good for others, that I’m not a benefit. 

Tessie: What are you afraid of?

That I’m no good for others. 

Tessie: again.

I’m afraid that I’m not good for others. 

Tessie: feel that feeling right now.

I’m afraid that I’m not good for others.

Tessie: allow yourself feel that fear.

I’m afraid that I’m not good for others. I’m not. I’m not, I’m not good for others.

Tessie: I’m afraid that I’m not good for others.

No, I know that I’m not good for others. 

Tessie: so you know that you’re not good for others?

I’m not. 

Tessie: whats your fear about that? If you know that your not good for others, what frightens you about that? Are you going to hurt them?

Being the cause of them not living and not knowing their own truth where they would have otherwise.

Tessie: thats very complicated, what are you afraid of? If your not good for people, what are you afraid you’re going to do to them or not give them?

Well, I’m afraid that for me to awaken, I have to accept myself as cause over this reality and it is a reality that I don’t see as…

Tessie: stop, you’re in your head, goback to the feeling. 

Tessie: your afraid of hurting people of being bad for people.

Yes, yes I feel it.

Tessie: go back to that feeling. “I’m afraid that I’m bad for people”

I’m afraid that I cause more harm than I do good. 

Tessie: Good, I’m afraid that

I’m afraid that I cause more harm than I do good. I’m afraid that I case more harm than I do good. I’m afraid that in my fear I cause harm to others.

Tessie: what about causing harm to others frightens you?

Its shifting right now because there is a realization that it is only my fear that causes me to harm others.

Tessie: exactly! Exactly. Umhmm. Thank you. 

Its only my fear that causes me to harm others. Its only my fear that causes me to harm others. Its only my fear that causes me to cause harm in myself. 

Tessie: do you know how to release fear?

No.

Tessie: you just did it. Yes you do. You simply ask the question what am I afraid of. Then you get the answer and ask what about that frightens me. Thats all you do is simply shed light on the fear. Invite it in. There is nothing to fear except fear itself. 

Lets ask it again ad see if we can get a greater ease out of this.

Tessie: the physical body is the densest of all of the bodies. The shift has already occurred and you will feel that in your body. What happens when fear is gone?

I don’t know, but I am looking forward to finding out.

Tessie: its just love. : ) and acceptance. There is no separation between you and me, between you and your family. Where there is love there is no separation. When fear is gone there is no separation. Your pain is my pain.

Help me realize that my pain is gone. 

Tessie: what are you afraid of right now?

That it is not gone. 

Tessie: right. What about it not being gone frightens you? 

That it is and always will be here.

Tessie: we are back to the begining. What about that are you afraid of?

I am afraid that my fear is eternal. 

Tessie: what are you afraid of?

I am afraid that fear is the nature of my being. 

Tessie: I’m afraid that…

Fear is all I know.

Tessie: I’m afraid that.

I’m  afraid that I will wake up in the morning and that I will still be the same. 

Tessie: say that again.

I’m afraid that when I wake up in the morning that I will still be the same. That I will still be me as I have been.

Tessie: say it.

I’m afraid that that I will wake up tomorrow morning with no significant shift in my awareness, my sence of self and my experience of this reality.

Tessie: got it. Do you see how attached you are to your fear, do you see this?

Apparently with something strong.

Tessie: What about waking up tomorrow morning and having this fear and having seen no significant changes. What about that frightens you? 

It frightens me that the universe wants that to be my truth. 

Tessie: I’m afraid that.

The Universe wants me to be  as I am. 

Tessie: which is?

An experience of consciousness knowing itself as unworthiness trying to be free.

What are you afraid of?

I am afraid that I am unworthy. 

Tessie: I am afraid that…

I am unworthy.

Tessie: are you really afraid that you are unworthy?

No, I know that I am unworthy. 

Tessie: How do you live with yourself if you are unworthy?

By avoiding life and love and truth

Tessie: yes, so what are you afraid of right now? 

I’m afraid that I will never know the truth.

Tessie: I’m afraid that…

I’m afraid that I will never know the truth.

Tessie: You’re heart is breaking you know that? Now, your heart is breaking with this Idea that you will never know the truth. I’m afraid that…

I’ll never know the truth

Tessie: which is?

I don’t know.

Tessie: what about never knowing the truth scares you?

That I will never be free.

Tessie: I’m afraid that…

I will never be free. 

Tessie: I’m afraid that…

I will never be free.

Tessie: Say the whole thing.

I’m afraid that I will never be free. 

Tessie: Yes, that is the human condition. What about never being free scares you? Allow yourself to feel it.

That consciousness is a curse.

Tessie: what about never being free scares you? Step out of your head. Your head is your protection right now. It’s protecting you from feeling all this. What about the fear of never being free scares you?

That consciousness isn’t worth it.

Tessie: I am afraid that.

Being conscious, being awakened is not worth it, that it doesn’t create freedom.

Tessis: what are you awakened to? What are you consciousness of that is not worth it? 

I’m conscious of agns’t, worry, desperation. 

Tessie: is that being awakened?

No, it is being aware of the feeling of that and the question is: is there a way to awaken within that? 

Tessie: in it, out of it and beyond it, yes. I am afraid that…

I’m afraid that my knowingness isn’t going to help.

Tessie: exactly. Allow yourself to feel that now and get that. I’m afraid that.

I’m afraid that my knowingness is not going to help even though I know more than anyone I know. I’m afraid that thats not enough.

Tessie: what about that scares you? 

I am afraid that is the divine doesn’t happen in me, it doesn’t happen in anyone. I know that sounds weird but…

Tessie: we’ll if you are a microcosm of the macrocosm…

Yesn something like that, but the opposite at the same time: that the divine is everyone else but me.

Tessie: so whats your fear? 

I’m afraid that all are divinely conscious, I’m afraid that all consciousness is divinely aware except me.

Tessie: so what about you specifically?

I am afraid that I am unique in my absolute failure to know the divine as myself.

Tessie: thank you. How does that feel?

Hard.

Tessie: say it again.

I am afraid that I am unique in my absolute failure to know the divine as myself.

Tessie: and what about you being unique as an absolute failure scares you?

That this reality exists only to support that fear.

Tessie: say it again.

I am afraid that this reality exists to support my fear that the divine is only unknown by myself. 

Tessie: do you see the web that you have  created for yourself? What about this scares you.

It might be true.

Tessie: what about the fact that it might be true scares you? 

That that means that I am God and that I can damn myself and I’ll be damned if I can figure out a way out from it.

Tessie: I am afraid that I can’t find my way out of it?

I’m afraid that I’m God, that I have damned myself and that I can’t find my way out.

Tessie: umhmm.

And so there is no help. 

Tessie: do you know that all of this in your solar plexus is about that? This is all about protection. Not a jusgement, it just is.

I understand. 

Tessie: I’m afraid that I can’t find my way out of it.

I am afraid that I can’t find my way out of it.

Tessie: how does it feel right now to feel that?  Do you feel like you are stuck?

I feel like I just wan’t to run away and know nobody that I know. I wan’t to not be present with anyone. 

Tessie: because you don’t want anyone else to see this or know this? 

I don’t want anyone else to be affected by it.

Tessie: yes and?

If this reality exists to support a delusion of God and if I am God, then all other consciousness that exists in this shared reality at this level…

Tessie: are you at God consciousness right now?

I can be, but I am dealing with what is “in here” right now.

Tessie: exactly, so what are you afraid of right now that is keeping you from your full God consciousness? What are you afraid of right now? 

I’m afraid that I might change my mind about being here as God consciousness. Thats what stopped it last time. 

Tessie: I’m afraid that.

I’m afraid that when I own the truth of myself here, that the transition will be so severe in my life that I won’t go through with it.

Tessie: I’m afraid that.

I’m afraid to live my truth. I’m afraid to be eternally free as me here.

Tessie: umhmm.

I’m afraid to be eternally free as me here. I’m afraid to be eternally free as me. 

Tessie: I’m afraid that.

I’m afraid to be eternally free as me. I’m afraid to be free as me.

Tessie: what about that frightens you? 

I don’t know how to change it. I’m afraid of not knowing how to change a bad decision. 

Tessie: a bad decision? Which decision.

All of themthat limit me from being my truth right now.

Tessie: be specific. I’m afraid that… I’m stronger than you, I can deal with your fear.

You’re stronger than me? 

Tessie: I am and I am not afraid of your fear. I will stand toe to toe with your fear and show you your truth. 

Really?

Tessie: yes, so tell me what your fear is right now.

I’m beginning to fear that I might actually have to allow the shift to occur.

Tessie: what are you afraid of right now?

I’m afraid of what’s going to happen right now.

Tessie: I’m afraid that.

I’m afraid of what’s going to happen right now. 

Tessie: exactly. I’m afraid that.

I am afraid to move into the light of truth.

Tessie: What are you afraid of?

I’m afraid to be true. I’m afraid to be true. 

Tessie: what do you have to do if you are true?

I have to be fearless.

Tessie: I’m afraid of being fearless?

Yes, I am afraid of being fearless, it’s weird.

Tessie: isn’t it?

I am afraid of being fearless.

Tessie: what about being fearless scares you?

I don’t want to be hurt. 

Tessie: Exactly. This is it: I don’t want to be hurt. 

I don’t want to be hurt. 

Tessie: I’m afraid that.

I am afraid that if I am fearless that I am going to be hurt. 

Tessie: isn’t that a catch 22. Did you hear what you just said? I’m afraid if I am fearless that I am going to be hurt. Do you see the cosmic joke in that? Hahahaha. 

Of course. 

Tessie: I am afraid of being hurt.

I am afraid of being hurt.

Tessie: exactly. All of your defecnses.

Are against getting hurt.

Tessie: I’m afraid of getting hurt. What about getting hurt scares you?

That once hurt that it never passes.

Tessie: I am afraid that’

Whenever I am hurt, the hurt never ends and never passes. It is always in this present. 

Tessie: say it simply. I’m afraid that.

I am afraid that I’m hurt for ever with each hurt.

Tessie: what about being hurt scares you?

I’m afraid there is so much hurt within me that I would rather not be, that I would rather not exist.

Tessie: What about not being,scares you?

I don’t know.

Tessie: I am afraid that.

I can’t remember. 

Tessie: What about not being, scares you? We are bypassing your mind, that’s why you forgot. What about not being scares you? Are you scared? No you are not are you? Underneath all of your fears, the fear of not being, being and not being. Imaging yourself not being.

It’s nice actually.

Tessie: this is what you are afraid of and it really isn’t that bad. OK? So what are you afraid of?

I guess I am afraid of being different and the change that would..

Tessie: What are you afraid of right now?

I don’t know. 

Tessie: What are you afraid of right now?

I am afraid that you are going to take your hand off of my chest and that this beautiful release comming from your fingers will stop.

Tessie: do you realize that you are a fear making machine? What are you afraid of right not?

That this wont work.

Tessie: is it working?

Yes.

Tessie: then what the fuck are you afraid of? Haha.

That it is not working enough. 

Tessie: what are you afraid of right now? Do you see the joke in this? What are you afraid of right now?

I don’t know.

Tessie: right, do you know why you don’t know? Because you’re not afraid right now. 

Hmm. Hmm. The only thing to fear is fear itself.

Tessie: exactly honey. What happens when we are used to creating fear and covering it up and it stops, is that we don’t know what to do and your grabbing right not to try to find things to be afraid of. What does it feel like just to be me?   To be me? Feel me and the truth of you. It’s easier now.

Tessie: whats not to love.

Everything.

Tessie: really.

I’m not lovable?

Tessie: who told you that? 

I don’t know for sure.

Tessie: is it true that you are unloveable?

Yes. 

Tessie: really? Says who? You? You keep creating fear to make a self fulfilling prophecy that you’re not lovable. Do you want me to say it again? 

Yes.

Tessie: You keep creating fear. Remember I told you that you are a fear making machine? To create a self fulfilling prophecy that your not lovable.

Why would I do that?

Tessie: because you think that you are not lovable and so you have to keep proving yourself right. So here’s the thing, all of that stuff we were doing? You got to the truth. Your fear is no different that anybody else’s. Your fear is not separate from anybody else’ s when you can see behind the fear is when you can transform those around you. Thank you for letting me do this.

Thank you for doing it. 

Tessie: this process that we have been doing, this is called living. Most people when they want to start bringing in the divine, they are doing it to leave.

Not me, I’m doing it to live as the divine. 

Tessie: and to anchor it.

Yes, and to be here as that.

Tessie: your job is to master what you are asking others to master, which is to bring the divine, have it heal your fear and live life from moment to moment to moment. This is the process that we have to do from moment to moment to moment. This is it. I think your thinking that if you’re not 100% clear in this very moment in your true divinity and devoid of fear that somehow your not living the divine and I think thats a crock of shit.

I feel like I can though.

Tessie: yes, when you do and in the meantime: this is what you do.

Deal with what is.

Tessie: exactly and thats it and thats the beauty of it. You go to the store and your teller is having a pill; you just love them, they’ve got some fear going on. Someone hurts you intentionally you know its about them and you sink into your love. Someone cuts you off or tries to take your money: you sink in, you handle your fear. You find the love. Right now I have no income, I sink in, find the love and know that somehow my income will come in. This is the work of someone who’s on the divine path. Its not about being devoid of fear. Its about learning how to bring the divine and love into it. 

Yes, I know that.

Tessie: and we may just need a few more sessions to anchor that in. 

To share the truth and know that somebody else is experiencing that with us. 

Tessie: Exactly, got it? You had a big shift tonight. 

We chose to take a look at me as I am.

Tessie: and you as you are afraid that you are. 

Me living in the delusion of a lie.

Tessie: yes.

In closing, I would like to step out of that insanity and allow for the greatest degree of divine realization shared between us that we are willing to experience and express.

Tessie: Andrea Bochelli said something really wonderful once: I have a big voice and with that comes big problems. Do you see what I am saying?

I do. Thank you.

Tessie: Your welcome.